Call Me Sisyphus

Okay, I'm convinced: posting self-confident blog predictions is a sure way to have those predictions not come true. Tempting fate is always a bad idea.

And so, here I am, right where I was weight-wise two years ago this month. Last fall the wheels started coming off: I completely lost my motivation, first to drop more weight and then even to maintain the loss I'd already achieved. Starting around my birthday in October, I craved all kinds of high-carb foods, and I ate them - always telling myself that I would behave myself "starting tomorrow" or "after Thanksgiving" or "after the holidays" or whatever. But tomorrow did not come, and the weight gain was fast and steady. Worse, I stopped checking the scale, deliberately avoiding the hard numbers which would might have rattled me enough to change my McDonalds fries- and Panera pastries-fueled momentum.

There's not much good news to take from this, except these small consolations:
1. I did manage to get back on the scale last week, knowing that what I'd see would motivate me.
2. I stopped before I exceeded my previous peak weight; it's one thing to gain lost weight back, but it's even more demoralizing to gain back even more.
3. I did do an Atkins-centered grocery run, filling my refrigerator and pantry with the kinds of foods I need to start eating again and throwing out the bad stuff.
4. I started eating those foods again.
5. I do know how to lose the weight now.

On the other hand, it's also discouraging to feel as though not only will I never achieve my 100-pound weight loss goal, but I can also never trust myself not to backslide. Ever.

Just call me Sisyphus.

Living Low-Carb, One Year Later

It was one year ago today that I decided to try a low-carb diet. I'd begun yet another diet (and this blog!) on February 1st, 2009, and I hadn't made much progress on the low-fat, restricted-calorie system I'd always previously used to take off excess weight (though, obviously, not with long-term success!). But after reading a lot about the low-carb approach online and buying the original Atkins diet book, I decided to give it a shot.

And here I am, one year later and 65 pounds lighter - from 273 lbs. on May 20, 2009 to 208 lbs. on May 20, 2010. Am I pleased? Oh yes. It hasn't always been easy, and there was one period between my birthday in late October and New Year's where my sugar cravings got out of control and I got lazy about exercising; on the other hand, as I've commented before, that might have been good for me, because I learned that I could stop that kind of slide before it got too far out of hand, instead of feeling powerless like I had in the past.

More important, I'm nearing the best weight I achieved on my last low-fat, calorie-counting diet: 202 lbs., in the early summer of 2007. (In fact, that's the best weight I have recorded for myself going back to 2004, when I was in the 250's; I don't have records from prior to that.) But then I got an injury that put a stop to my running and my will power evaporated, and I quickly started gaining weight back. Worse, I stopped weighing myself out of avoidance, and by November of that year I found myself over 250 lbs. again, well on my way to passing the 280-pound mark yet one more time.

Looking back, though, I think at least part of the problem in 2007 was that even before I got injured and couldn't run, I was already nearing the end of my "diet rope" with the low-fat system. I was bone-tired of never feeling full, never eating any rich foods, and practicing the various other kinds of daily, even hourly self-denial that kind of lifestyle requires. (And I'm sure all the low-calorie carbs were not helping my glucose and insulin situation, either.) Right now, though, I'm not feeling that way about living low-carb. I'm still enjoying what I'm allowed to eat, the occasional sugar cravings are manageable, and I'm seeing my best weight in 3 years and perhaps my best fitness level ever. I definitely feel that I can maintain this for some time to come, though it's impossible to know for sure.

In the meantime, though, I'm keeping my fingers crossed! Wish me luck as we head into summer.

The Tortoise and the Hares

This morning I ran a 5k for the third time since last fall: the cleverly-named See Spot Run in Guthrie, Oklahoma, a race to benefit the no-kill Free to Live animal sanctuary north of Edmond. It's a good cause and a good motivation to keep pushing myself while working out, so I figured, why not?

My time was also okay - a 31:33, only 2 minutes and 17 seconds faster than today's winning time for the 10k, which certainly keeps my speed in perspective. On the other hand, that's a minute faster than the two 10k times I logged last September and October, so obviously I'm improving, however slowly. And I was not the slowest guy in the 45-49 age group, either, which I believe is a first for me!

Of course, whatever time I post, I can never let myself forget that running a 5k represents a personal victory for me. It's a fitness victory, since I would never have done this when I weighed 285 pounds and had a hard enough time just hauling my body off the sofa, much less moving it faster than a slow walk for 3 miles.

Even more important, though, it's a self-esteem victory. I know I'm no longer enormous, but I'm also well-aware that I don't exactly cut an athletic figure out there, weighing as much as I still do. There was a time when I would not have wanted to expose either my out-of-shape body or my less-than-graceful running style in front of race spectators, but I'm much better with that now. They might not know how much weight I've lost and what running a 5k represents for me, but I know it, and that's enough.

I Love Marcella Hazan!

I was so pleased with how tonight's dinner turned out that I took a picture of it! The chicken is Marcella Hazan's Roast Chicken with Lemons from Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking - an utterly simple, totally rewarding recipe. On the side was fresh asparagus from the local farmer's market, roasted in the oven with some olive oil. Very healthful and very yummy!

Marcella Hazan's recipe (Essentials, pp. 327-328):

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Wash the chicken thoroughly in cold water, both inside and out. Remove all the bits of fat hanging loose. Let the bird sit for about 10 minutes on a slightly tilted plate to let all the water drain out of it. Pat it thoroughly dry all over with cloth or paper towels.

3. Sprinkle a generous amount of salt and black pepper on the chicken, rubbing it with your fingers over all its body and into its cavity.

4. Wash the lemons in cold water and dry them with a towel. Soften each lemon by placing it on a counter and rolling it back and forth as you put firm downward pressure on it with the palm of your hand. Puncture the lemons in at least 20 places each, using a sturdy round toothpick, a trussing needle, a sharp-pointed fork, or similar implement.

5. Place both lemons in the bird's cavity. Close up the opening with toothpicks or with trussing needle and string. Close it well, but don't make an absolutely airtight job of it because the chicken may burst. Run kitchen string from one leg to the other, tying it at both knuckle ends. Leave the legs in their natural position without pulling them tight. If the skin is unbroken, the chicken will puff up as it cooks, and the string serves only to keep the thighs from spreading apart and splitting the skin.

6. Put the chicken into a roasting pan, breast facing down. Do not add cooking fat of any kind. This bird is self-basting, so you need not fear it will stick to the pan. Place it in the upper third of the preheated oven. After 30 minutes, turn the chicken over to have the breast face up. When turning it, try not to puncture the skin. If kept intact, the chicken will swell like a balloon, which makes for an arresting presentation at the table later. Do not worry too much about it, however, because even if it fails to swell, the flavor will not be affected.

7. Cook for another 30 to 35 minutes, then turn the oven thermostat up to 400 degrees, and cook for an additional 20 minutes. Calculate between 20 and 25 minutes total cooking time for each pound. [If your chicken is bigger than the recipe suggests, increase the time spent cooking the bird on both sides at 350. Don't add to the 20 minutes at 400 or else you might dry out the meat. - Sancho.] There is no need to turn the chicken again.

8. Whether your bird has puffed up or not, bring it to the table whole and leave the lemons inside until it is carved and opened. The juices that run out are perfectly delicious. Be sure to spoon them over the chicken slices. The lemons will have shriveled up, but they still contain some juice; do not squeeze them, they may squirt.

The Other Kind of Exercise

Modern exercise is a funny thing, you have to admit: it's an imitation of and a substitute for the actual exercise that people in earlier generations did as part of daily life. To burn calories and improve our cardiovascular fitness, we go to the gym, where we have machines that allow us to pretend we're climbing real stairs or running actual distances or biking up and down genuine mountains. This is synthetic exercise, a simulacrum of true exertion invented and very profitably marketed by the fitness industry to compensate for the one-two punch of the Standard American Diet and a convenience-based, efficiency-oriented, and technology-driven national lifestyle.

Of course, I'm as guilty as many people of buying into synthetic exercise, since I have an elliptical trainer which allows me to stay indoors in bad weather rather than venture outside, and which I use to compensate for a college professor's very sedentary daily routine, where the big exertion comes when I have to carry books to the library and back. I'm in no position to scold, but at least I'm aware of the modern irony of fitness: if people didn't insist on driving everywhere and parking within 20 feet of their destination, for example, they might not need to spend so much time on the treadmill in the first place.

I was especially aware of that irony today, when I skipped the elliptical but spent two hours in my back yard, using a shovel and a pitchfork (hence today's picture!) to turn the soil for this year's vegetable garden - in this part of the country, we need to get the cool weather veggies in the ground by now if we want them to grow before the hot weather rolls in. I don't have a huge garden, but digging even a small one for two hours means a fair amount of genuine exercise, one sort of real manual labor that existed long before elliptical machines and stairmasters. And better still, that work I did had an actual purpose beyond burning calories: in a couple months I will be eating healthful, home-grown food from that garden, which will make me healthier still and save me money besides. Nowadays this might be the "other kind" of exercise, but there's definitely something to be said for it.

I Just Can't Hold My Yogurt!

A big part of losing weight for me is avoiding foods that make me hungrier - the dreaded "high glycemic index" foods that cause havoc with insulin levels and trigger binges. Based on that concept and on my other "rules", I recently decided I might be able to add some Greek yogurt to my diet - no added sugars, classified as low-GI, and a carb count per serving that I could make work. Since I like my yogurt tart, I'm not tempted to mix fruit or jam into it, either. A few tablespoons should have made a great dessert or snack.

The results? I found out I just can't hold my yogurt - or at least, I can't hold the line on how much I eat! It was amazing how quickly every new (and expensive!) container of Greek yogurt ended up empty in the sink. Worse, not only did one serving of yogurt make me hungry for more, it also gave me cravings for other sweet foods and made me hungrier in general. I don't keep sweet stuff in the house and I always summoned up enough will power not to grab the car keys and head out in search of my biggest vices: chocolate, dried fruit, or worst of all, a combination of those like chocolate-covered raisins. However, I couldn't stop myself from doing a few late-night "mini-binges" of the meat, cheese, and other low-carb foods which I do keep in the house. And as everyone who's ever tried to lose weight knows, that sense of weakening control over your appetite is a terrifying feeling. If I'd been in a 12-step program, I think I would have had to call my sponsor!

There's some disagreement online about yogurt consumption when a person is trying to lose weight (those probiotics are very trendy right now), but it does seem that yogurt has a very high insulin index, in spite of its acceptable glycemic index. Apparently some foods which are not high-GI nevertheless elicit a major insulin response - and of course that elevation in insulin production can trigger the usual cycle of hunger pangs and fat storage in someone like me, bringing weight loss to a dead stop.

So, I guess I will be giving up the Greek yogurt for now. Maybe I'll add it to my "Someday in Moderation" list. And in the meantime, I can at least feel better about saving money and not adding more plastic containers to my recycling bin.

A Shout-Out to Sheryl at *Bitch Cakes*

This is a great entry on rebounding from missteps and lapses by one of my favorite weight-loss bloggers, Sheryl at *Bitch Cakes*. Check it out!

Bitch Cakes: How Do You Recover from Tough Times?